A Happy Tobaccident

 Cocktail Correspondent: Weldon Gardner Hunter

Monday, September 23: After publishing Moe Gorge's communiqué from Calvados, I found myself in Coal Harbour, thinking aloud to myself: "There must be a lounge in the Westin Bayshore..." No one was around to answer - a quiet autumn night on the Seawall - so I wandered in and found H Tasting Lounge just past the lobby (1601 Bayshore Drive, Vancouver).

I'm pretty sure the "H" goes for Howard Hughes, the most famous guest of the hotel, who set up for almost 6 months in 1972, leaving just before he would have had to declare assets to Revenue Canada. The lounge is very spacious & inviting and has remarkable furniture - the bar seats, especially:

A bit askew because I took this at the end of the night

I decided to try a Coyote Coyote! first, because I'm still on my pop-on-the-rocks kick (readers will find out more about this when I complete my reportage of a recent Calgary cocktail crawl):

Olmeca altos añejo, Sotol la higuera, Ancho reyes, Joja santa, Red cedar root beer, Cacao,  Tobacco

The tequila and root beer is a nice mix – neither one pushes out the other. A smokey sasparilla flavour overall. It’s spicy, especially with the Ancho Reyes (a chili liqueur) but the Sotol balances it with herbal notes. Tobacco bitters and cacao make it earthy. Wild sage and avocado leaf for garnish. The drink comes in a bottle which I poured in a glass that resembles a hollowed out tree trunk, with ridges and bumps suggesting cedar bark. A tree stump coaster completed the arboreal experience.

The avocado leaf fell from my glass to the floor as I finished the drink, much like the leaves gently gliding and landing in the West End streets outside.

But my heart was in Calvados, so beautifully evoked by Monsieur Gorge and his tasty travelogue. My father's side of the family were Normans who joined William the Conqueror and set up, Hughes-like, in Scotland, so I felt the lure of my lineage: Calvados - a region and a spirit. I studied Moe's brief description of the Calvacade and asked Taylor the bartender to make me one: I listed the ingredients from the blog post:

Calvados, Cranberry Juice, Amaretto (Disarrono) , Tobacco

Taylor took a sip himself and proclaimed it to be "very French." And he was right, it is rich with notes of Merlot. It's also lightly sweet, and spicy. I detected no bitterness: the dominant cranberry alchemizes with the cidery Calvados to produce a tart, vineyard essence. The tobacco bitters seeemed to add the final Gallic note - a significant undertone of Gauloise and Godard.

The next day, I received a note from the mysterious Gorge: there was a typo in the transcript. The final ingredient of the Calvacade his partner had in Honfleur was Tabasco, not tobacco. La vache!! It appears we created a variation of the drink: let's call it "La Carotte", after the cylindrical orange signs of the tobacconist shops in France:

Copyright: Anne Billson

Smoke 'em if you got 'em!

Fin.

The French Dispatch

 Cocktail Correspondent: Moe Gorge

Dear W. Hunter,

Salutations! Tout va bien ici en France. Yesterday, we spent the night in Honfleur, a small port town on the south side of La Seine estuary, just across the river from Le Havre.

Last night was stormy, rainy, and crepuscular — a fitting start to autumn and a fitting excuse, as any, for a cocktail.

My partner N. K. Rural and I set off from our lodging after nightfall for La Ferme Saint Siméon, a legendary and exquisite hotel perched above the harbour on a verdant hill, neighbouring the Normandy hinterlands. La Ferme Saint Siméon has its own bar open to both its own guests and the public, and the building the hotel is in itself has an intriguingly worded Wikipedia page worth perusing.

On our way up, rain poured down and unfolded in burbling cascades over the cobblestones of the empty village streets. We intermittently gazed over the hazy maw of Le Seine and, at times, upon an old lighthouse that broke the opacity of our view northwards.

When we finally installed ourselves at the hotel bar, we were met by a consummately professional bartender with excellent posture. Being in the Calvados region, we both ordered calvados cocktails. While waiting for our drinks, we enjoyed the armchairs and crackling fire of the hotel’s bar lounge.

I ordered the Calvaraïbres, a cocktail of shaken calvados, liqueur vanille, jus d’ananas, et citron. Despite the tropical theme, this paired wonderfully with the tempestuous evening.

Served in a large Collins glass on the rocks, I found my Calvaraïbres both light and aromatic. Notes of oak bloomed from the vanilla and bonded with the rich and tropical fruits of the principal ingredients. The frothy head of the shaken pineapple juice offered a billowy texture, both inviting and enveloping. A dried apple slice and gooseberry garnished the drink. The former enhanced the rustic and thematic elements, while the gooseberry brought a tart and vaguely minty exclamation in the form of a palate cleanser. The Calvaraïbres made itself a warm companion to the turbid harbour lights of Le Havre, seen through the hotel bar’s panoramic windows.

N. K. Rural had a Calvalcade, a mix of calvados, amaretto, cranberry, apple, and tobasco, but equal measures spicy and cordial. For details, you’ll have to ask her!

Bien à vous,

Moe Gorge

Escape, Act II

 Cocktail Correspondent: Annonymous

Escape Act II (The Purple Paradise Song)

Annonymous

I was tired of my manny

We ate too much junk food

Too many piña coladas

And the sand spoiled the mood

So while he was unsandin’

I checked Bumble and Hinge

And in all of the profiles

There was this one I would binge

If you like Purple Paradise

And yeah I know it is sweet

But it goes well with nachos

So why don’t we meet

If you like sleeping sound at midnight

In your bed in your house

Then I’m the love that you’ve looked for

Come to me with your blouse

I didn’t think about the old guy

He was missing half a brain

The midnight dunes drove me crazy

Just felt like the same old dull refrain

So I went to my Bumble

Wrote down my personal pitch

And though I’m nobody’s poet

I thought it was pretty rich

Yes, I like Purple Paradise

Although it is a bit sweet

But it goes well with nachos

So come on and let’s meet

I’ve got to meet you by tomorrow noon

And cut through all this red tape

At a bar called O’Craftey’s

Where we’ll plan our escape

So I waited with high hopes

And he walked in the place

I saw him smile in an instant

At last I saw a new face

He was so lovely and witty

And he said, “Oh, it’s you”

Then we laughed for a moment

And I said, “I always knew”

“That I hate piña coladas

But I don’t mind the rain

I love the feel of the ocean

But not the taste of champagne

I hate making love at midnight

Too much sand on my cape

You’re the man I have looked for

Come with me and escape”

If you hate piña coladas

But you don’t mind the rain

If you sometimes do yoga

And you have a real brain

If you like sleeping sound at midnight

In your bed in your house

I’m the love that you’ve looked for

Come with me be my spouse

Yes, I hate piña coladas

But I don’t mind the rain

I eat nothing but health food

I don’t care for champagne

I'm glad I met you yesterday at noon

And moved on from the cape

At a bar called O'Craftey's

Come with me and escape

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Location: Craft, 85 West 1st Avenue, Vancouver, BC

Drink: 1oz Captain Morgan white rum, Ube cream liqueur, pineapple, coconut, lime

Date: Friday, September 13, 2024

    

    

Strawberry Swing: A Villanelle

 Cocktail Correspondent: Margaret Inman

Strawberry Swing: A Villanelle

A strawberry, seductive but shy,

Dances alone in the crowd.

Which suitor will capture her eye?

That wedge of lime, he’s quite sly,

And to woo her, he’s vowed,

The strawberry, seductive but shy.

The sweet basil’s a nice enough guy,

But he wonders sadly aloud:

Which suitor will capture her eye?

The brash tequila, he’s awfully dry,

But maybe that’s what will rouse

The strawberry, seductive but shy.

A modest shrub defeatedly cries, 

Poor bloke, he’s totally cowed,

Which suitor will capture her eye?

Around them, the flavours let fly,

As each of them struggles to wow

A strawberry, seductive but shy.

Which suitor will capture her eye?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Location: Tacofino Ocho, 8 E 5th Ave, Vancouver

Drink: Strawberry Basil Margarita (strawberry-infused cazadores blanco, cointreau, fresh lime, house made strawberry shrub, fresh basil)

Date: 23 August 2024

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